Haters gonna hate but do we have to tolerate online abuse as a way of life?
When I started out as a trainee reporter in 2005, the world was a very different place.
I wrote news stories and features and they appeared on regional daily newsprint pages. People would write in or email the editor to criticise, disagree or praise (sometimes all three) and I was pretty removed from this feedback. Apart from when a reader spotted a mistake. Then, I, and the whole newsroom, knew all about it from a vocal dressing down delivered in style.
Fast forward a few years and I was no longer a reporter but a sub editor, designing and editing those news pages. And so, as the digital world grew ever faster, shinier and more prominent in publishing, I remained sheltered from those dubbed ‘the keyboard trolls’ who peppered our websites with nasty bile and spite, injuring new reporters’ fledgling writing wings, if taken too seriously.
I later moved into the world of PR and, on the other side of the fence, sought out the brightest and best of the world of online influencers to raise brand awareness and extend invites to glittering launch parties. Trolls? I had nothing to do with them.
But life’s very different for me today because, as of this weekend, I now know what around 500 strangers think of me, thanks to their feedback on my overpopulation feature in The Sunday Telegraph’s Stella magazine.
And guess what? It’s not good news.
Thankfully, there are some people who agree with my viewpoint, those who are neutral but supportive of my decision not to have children because of overpopulation and people who, I reckon, like a debate and have kindly and vocally leapt to my defence.
But those good people aside, it seems there is a swelling tide of spite, fury and just plain nastiness online.
Let’s be honest, there are at least two sides to every story. But saying someone is fat, ugly or thick is hardly adding to the debate. Appreciate the shout out anyway, trolls.
So how shall I be insulted for saying I won’t be adding any children to an overcrowded world? Let me count the ways Daily Mail readers took to its sensationalised version of my feature;
“Sounds like she is COPING. Can't find a man who wants her at 39 more like.”
“She needs the fashion advice only a daughter can give, guess she will never be able to see through her selfishness.”
“Not very bright, probably good that she chooses not to procreate.”
“Probably can't get a fella cos she looks like Vorderman.”
“I think she's got things the wrong way round. What's more this is feminist narcissism masquerading as idealism and is no more than inane virtue-signalling by women who haven't got the intelligence to think through the implications of fashionable idiocies.”
“Good that'll improve the g e n e pool....”
“..or alternate headline: large woman can't get a date.”
“This woman's main issue is she's not very attractive.”
“Good we don't want any more stupid genes being handed down.”
“Why is this Carol Vorderman tribute act getting any coverage? Hate to break it to you but the reason why you are single isn't because you don't want kids.”
“No way she is 39 looks 49.”
“Blogger reveals she doesn't want children because she couldn't handle the responsibility and wouldn't be the centre of attention.”
“She could always make it one less.”
“If she ate less that would be a good place to start. Planet says thankyou!”
“And she being one of those too many people ? What an idiot who's bothered only about themselves.”
“Well done you're too dumb to reproduce anyway”
“Even her style is carefully put together to deter the opposite sex.”
Savage reading, isn’t it?
But I’m determined to take it as lightly as possible (after reeling in shock yesterday) partly because those people don’t know me and also because I anticipated it. I knew my opinion would be unpopular because it goes against the way so many people choose to live their lives. To put myself out there by openly sharing my controversial beliefs in a national newspaper, I had to be pretty rock-solid confident in the words I put up for discussion.
A former newspaper colleague told me, not unkindly, that I should have known not to read the online comments. But I was curious to see how my outlook was perceived and I refuse to accept online nastiness is something we should just put up with in our digital era.
Surely, as a society we can do better? Online abuse should be challenged and challenged robustly.
You wouldn’t yell out insults at people you didn’t like the look of in the street and it shouldn’t be seen as par for the course that cruel words are routinely spewed out from behind the murky shadows of a computer screen.
Just like playground bullies, online trolls need to be stood up to and stamped out. If, for no other reason, for a kinder, more tolerant society, where everyone’s views can be heard and debated without fear. And a place where fresh ideas, discussed reasonably, can thrive and grow - to the improvement of all.
Now, wouldn’t that be nice?
Trolls - please don’t answer that.
